Personal Empowerment, Developing human potential, Fostering interpersonal relationships

Personal Empowerment

Developing human potential and fostering interpersonal relationships

Why Do Marriages Fail (Part 2)

Taking turns speaking is crucial to effective communication between partners for dating and marriage. Both parties cannot talk and be heard at the same time. However, communication breaks down because:

one partner does not let the other finish
or the partner is not listening because he or she is concentrating what to say next

The result is that no-one is heard. Not only is the conversation wasted but things are exacerbated as both parties conclude that any discussion is useless and in fact is best be avoided to prevent escalation. Consequently there is no conflict resolution and no chance for the relationship to grow.

Most partners are resistent to pacifically listening for the following reasons:

they are often presented as being the ones to blame and can’t resist the temptation to verbally defend themselves
they are concerned that the other party will not finish and thus will not be given the opportunity to speak
they fear that things will only escalate so its better not to have a discussion at all

However, the gratification of the other party being heard can often a significant theraptic effect that will make them more receptive to let their spouse respond. Timing here is important as both parties must sense that both are willing to have a two way conversation. Without this any conversation will be one way and by extension be counter- productive.

Taking time to respond is vital for productive conversation. The reason is that it takes time to fully absorb what the other partner is saying which, given its implications, may very well motivate the party to temper their response and even to want to listen more! This in particular is vital for emotionally charged issues which often require a period of "cooling off" before a balanced response can be issued if one is required at all.

Assessing how long to wait before responding to one’s spouse is subjective. However, it normally can take a day or longer for more complex issues to be reflected upon before a productive response can be given.

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